He replied not: he seemed serious?abstracted; he sighed; he half-opened his lips as if to speak: he closed them again. I felt a little embarrassed. Perhaps I had too rashly over-leaped conventionalities; and he, like St. John, saw impropriety in my inconsiderateness. I had indeed made my proposal from the idea that he wished and would ask me to be his wife: an expectation, not the less certain because unexpressed, had buoyed me up, that he would claim me at once as his own. But no hint to that effect escaping him and his countenance becoming more overcast, I suddenly remembered that I might have been all wrong, and was perhaps playing the fool unwittingly; and I began gently to withdraw myself from his arms?but he eagerly snatched me closer.
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He held out his hand; I gave him mine: he took it first in one, them in both his own.
Yes, ma’am.
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My Uncle Reed is in heaven, and can see all you do and think; and so can papa and mama: they know how you shut me up all day long, and how you wish me dead.
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Habitually obedient to John, I came up to his chair: he spent some three minutes in thrusting out his tongue at me as far as he could without damaging the roots: I knew he would soon strike, and while dreading the blow, I mused on the disgusting and ugly appearance of him who would presently deal it. I wonder if he read that notion in my face; for, all at once, without speaking, he struck suddenly and strongly. I tottered, and on regaining my equilibrium retired back a step or two from his chair.
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How, sir?
In what order you keep these rooms, Mrs. Fairfax! said I. No dust, no canvas coverings: except that the air feels chilly, one would think they were inhabited daily.
C’est l? ma gouverante! said she, pointing to me, and addressing her nurse; who answered?
Mr. Rochester, I will love you and live with you through life till death, and a fount of rapture would spring to my lips. I thought of this.
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I am no bird; and no net ensnares me; I am a free human being with an independent will, which I now exert to leave you.
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Anybody may blame me who likes, when I add further, that, now and then, when I took a walk by myself in the grounds; when I went down to the gates and looked through them along the road; or when, while Ad?le played with her nurse, and Mrs. Fairfax made jellies in the storeroom, I climbed the three staircases, raised the trap-door of the attic, and having reached the leads, looked out afar over sequestered field and hill, and along dim sky-line?that then I longed for a power of vision which might overpass that limit; which might reach the busy world, towns, regions full of life I had heard of but never seen?that then I desired more of practical experience than I possessed; more of intercourse with my kind, of acquaintance with variety of character, than was here within my reach. I valued what was good in Mrs. Fairfax, and what was good in Ad?le; but I believed in the existence of other and more vivid kinds of goodness, and what I believed in I wished to behold.
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